she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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