I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
