Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
