I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
