how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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