my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I want is dick and wine.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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