sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
