Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
