Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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