You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
