I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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