Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
