I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
