I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
