he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize