Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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