It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
