I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
