he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
