I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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