xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
