dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
