Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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