You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
