Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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