Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
