I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
