I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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