People with herpes should wear stickers.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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