Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
