First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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