At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
