So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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