Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize