i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
