Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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