i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is Oprah even human
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
