***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
your room smells of hookers.
And success
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
