He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
