i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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