All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
