Church boner. Awkwardddd
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
