I wish I could punch you in the face.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
