Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
