I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
