His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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