The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
