I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
