Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
