Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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