k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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