i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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