So drunk its hurt
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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