Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
