Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
