Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
