he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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