her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
