Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
