We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
