I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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