i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
