we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize