my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
