If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
