haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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