you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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