We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
