Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
