My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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