you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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