Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
