Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
