this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
