sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
