some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
