He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
