Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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