I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I smell like Dick and happiness
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
