You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
